This girl is more easily done than said...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
