the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
