so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
