I accidentally had phone sex last night
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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