I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
