he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
