Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
