it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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