Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
