I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just want to make out with him forever
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
