So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
