Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
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you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
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I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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