We're facebook friends in real life
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
