There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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