meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
