I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
