Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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