thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
