you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
