i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
