question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
