don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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