My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All I want is dick and wine.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
