I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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