So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
