Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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