i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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