I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
