Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
