It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
