Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
