official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
