the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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