I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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