Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
