I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
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I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
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I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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