he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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