But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
