I wish I only lived at night.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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