Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
