You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
