How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
