Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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