I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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