Having a random hookup so left but love u
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
