We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
