how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
