I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
