What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
