But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
