Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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