The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you would pick up someone in the library
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
