I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
