My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
