dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
no you cant smoke seaweed
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
