I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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