I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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