But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
