dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
it glows. i had to have it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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