i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
