Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I need to stop coming to work sober
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
