Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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