i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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