I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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