why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
