listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
