All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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