All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
