idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
