The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
