btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
